This week, I noticed a recurring theme in my conversations—uncertainty, and the urge to seek advice on how to act. It’s a natural response; when we’re unsure, our first instinct is often to reach out for guidance. But while advice can be helpful, it’s crucial to be mindful of how we integrate it into our decisions. I see this from all angles—as someone who seeks advice, someone frequently asked for advice, and someone who observes how advice impacts others’ behaviors and outcomes.
Uncertainty can feel heavy, and reaching out for advice can provide immediate relief. But relying solely on others’ opinions can sometimes cloud our own judgment. I’ve noticed certain patterns in how people approach uncertainty and advice.
💡Consider this: Often, we seek advice not necessarily to gain new insights, but to find comfort and reduce our immediate discomfort. In doing so, we might prioritize easing our fears over making decisions that truly align with our needs and values. These patterns can lead us to rely on external input at the expense of our own inner wisdom.
As I reflected on these patterns, I realized the importance of first exploring our uncertainties before seeking external input. When we jump straight to asking others, we might miss valuable insights from within ourselves.
▶️ Explore the uncertainty before reaching out—gather your internal information:
Pause and Reflect: When you feel uncertain, take a moment to examine the feeling before reaching out. Ask yourself:
- Why am I feeling uncertain? What’s triggering this unease?
- What specifically am I unsure about? Is it a difficult conversation, a decision, or a fear of unknown outcomes?
- What type of support do I truly need? Am I looking for someone to help me process my emotions or someone to offer solutions?
▶️ Be Clear About Your Needs:
When you do seek advice, be clear about what you need—whether it’s emotional support or actionable solutions. And carefully consider who you’re asking. Are they someone with relevant experience or someone who understands your situation well enough to provide meaningful input?
▶️ Treat Advice as Data, Not Gospel:
If you’re seeking solutions, view the advice you receive as data points rather than definitive answers. Process this information internally and weigh it against your own knowledge and intuition. Missteps often happen when we follow advice blindly, especially when it misses key aspects of our situation.
I’ve noticed common patterns in how people approach uncertainty and advice, often driven by underlying emotional needs and fears.
- Seeking comforting advice to reduce fear, rather than addressing the underlying issue.
- Asking for solutions when what’s really needed is emotional support.
- Trusting others’ opinions over your own inner voice, even when it’s sending warning signals.
- Repeatedly seeking advice due to fear of facing the worst-case scenario, leading to inaction.
- Not learning from past experiences—failing to recognize which advice has been helpful and which hasn’t.
Most importantly, I often hear, “I give the best advice to others but can’t seem to do the same for myself.” This is a faulty belief. You can give yourself incredible advice—advice that’s fueled by your own emotions, knowledge, and intuition. You just need to trust yourself enough to follow it.
Take Action
As you go through your day, actively reflect on how advice comes into play. Notice when you’re tempted to seek advice and consider whether you’ve first explored the situation on your own. When you do seek advice, approach it with clarity—know what you need, and treat the input you receive as one piece of a larger puzzle.
I challenge you to gather this information as data to help you with future situations. No one has everything figured out, but by turning inward and trusting yourself more, you can develop an expertise in your real self—something no one else can do for you. And you deserve that expertise.
Take good care of yourself,
Dr. Carolyn