What one phrase taught me about my own self-talk
As a psychologist, the language I use with clients is one of my most valuable tools. Recently, while reflecting on areas for growth, I discovered something unexpected about the way I have been communicating more recently—specifically, my frequent use of the phrase “I think.”
On the surface, it seems harmless, maybe even polite. But as I started to dig deeper, I realized that “I think” wasn’t just softening my statements; it was also subtly undermining my own confidence and clarity.
💭 This got me thinking: How often do we all use phrases like “I think” or “I feel” to hedge our words? Whether at work, in personal relationships, or even in our self-talk, this small habit can have a surprisingly big impact on how we communicate—and how we see ourselves.
The psychology behind language habits like this is fascinating. We often say “I think” to soften a statement, especially when we want to be polite or open to others’ perspectives. But when used too often, these phrases can communicate hesitation or insecurity. Instead of fostering collaboration, we may inadvertently signal to others that we’re unsure, even when we aren’t.
For example, I began to question what “I think” was communicating to my clients. Was it suggesting that my thoughts were more important than theirs? Or that I might judge them if they didn’t agree with me? This wasn’t what I intended at all—in therapy, the goal is to create connection, not disconnection.
But what really caught my attention was the impact this phrase was having on me. By frequently saying “I think,” I was unintentionally signaling to myself that I didn’t fully trust my own expertise. Even though I’ve grown tremendously as a clinician, I was still using the language of uncertainty. It became clear that this wasn’t just about my clients—it was about me, too.
So, how do we shift this?
▶️ The first step is becoming aware of how often we use phrases like “I think.”
▶️ The second step is to start using them more intentionally. “I think” isn’t always bad—in fact, it can be useful when we genuinely want to express uncertainty or invite collaboration. But when we use it as a habit, it can dilute our message and our confidence.
Here’s a strategy I found helpful: Instead of using “I think,” I began reframing my statements to be more direct and open. For instance, instead of saying, “I think this might be a more comfortable distraction than the discomfort of the other situation,” I could say, “I’m curious… Situation Y is causing distress, while Situation A is also distressing but familiar, could it be a safer focus for you than Y?“
This shift from “I think” to curiosity doesn’t just change the language—it changes the entire dynamic of the conversation. Without hedging my words, I create space for curiosity and collaboration, inviting the client to explore without feeling pressured to agree or disagree with me.
The Impact of Small Shifts
The impact of this small shift in language has been profound. In my professional life, I noticed that when I stopped relying on “I think,” my clients responded with more openness and engagement. I wasn’t just speaking more confidently—I was fostering a deeper, more collaborative relationship with them.
And it wasn’t just in therapy sessions where this change mattered. In my own self-talk, I started to notice the difference. By consciously choosing to reframe my language, I began trusting my own voice more. Over time, I found that I wasn’t just improving my communication—I was also strengthening my own sense of self-confidence.
When we stop hedging with phrases like “I think” and start owning our words, we open up new possibilities for connection, clarity, and growth. The transformation isn’t just in how others respond to us—it’s in how we relate to ourselves.
Making Shifts in Your Life
So, how can you make this shift in your own life? Start by noticing how often you use “I think” or similar phrases in your conversations—whether at work, with family, or even in your inner dialogue. Ask yourself: Is this phrase serving a purpose here, or am I using it out of habit?
If you find yourself hedging, try rephrasing. Instead of saying, “I think this might be a good idea,” try, “This could be a great option to consider.” Or, if you’re inviting collaboration, you might say, “I’m curious about your thoughts on this.” These small shifts can help you communicate with more confidence and intention.
Take Action
This week, I challenge you to experiment with your language. When you notice yourself saying “I think,” pause for a moment. Is it necessary? If not, try rephrasing and see how it feels. Pay attention to how these changes affect both your communication with others and your own sense of confidence.
I’d love to hear about your experience with this! Feel free to reply to this email or share your thoughts on Instagram (you can tag me @carolynrubensteinphd). Let’s explore how these small language shifts can lead to big changes.
Take good care of yourself,
Dr. Carolyn